remembering tigger

In 13 days Waverly turns five. This will be her 6th Christmas. I don't know how to express the way I feel this time of year. As ike all moms, I am amazed it was that long ago. As like all moms, it feels like yesterday.

For this mom, looking at Wave's first Christmas present, isn't just a wave (tee hee) of memories, its almost heartbreaking. You see, that tigger, that was her only gift that yr (besides from family) and he didn't come from Patrick or I, he came from the food bank.
What seems like yesterday for me, is being 26, pregnant and broke, being served an eviction notice, when I brought my newborn home from the hospital, not knowing how we were going to get food on the table and this little tigger stuffy. I wanted to give that newborn the moon and her only toy came from the foodbank.
Thinking back on it, I still cry.
But now, I don't cry sad tears or guilty tears b.c I couldnt provide for her , I have let that go, its a different kind of cry almost of joy for making it through that and still standing tall .

I wish I could go back to that 26 yr old girl and tell her its going to be OK. Tell her its going to be GREAT. Tell her that tigger, was donated in kindness, the kind of kindness she can now afford to pay forward. I want to tell her the 'man" who wanted nothing to do with that little baby, still doesn't, but it doesn't matter, b/c the MAN that was meant to be her daddy, has been there the way he said he would be, when he met you, pregnant, said he was in love and he wasn't going anywhere. He's still here, and your daughter got so much more that Christmas than tigger, and you didn't even realize it. She got a family, that was going to and continues to work to give her everything she could ever dream of most of all unconditional love.

This time of year, I feel nostalgic, I feel happy, I feel a little sad to see my baby grow, but most of all , I feel blessed and grateful.

Waverly will have a big wooden beautiful doll house under the tree, something I always dreamed my daughter would have, b.c I had one and i loved it so. But, that big gift, although it symbolizes how far we have come together, won't ever be as special as Tigger, which is why W and I are going out in a couple of weeks to buy some toys for the toy drive, b/.c I know what a little bear, or car or doll or even a Tigger can mean to a family.

Happy Holidays