This has become my life

See this box of tests? These.are.my.life. I can't get away from them and the promise of that cute little baby on the cover, who was the douchebag who thought of that picture. Seriously arsehole push off, if you are desperate enough to buy 7 ovulation tests at a time obviously you are struggling with TTC and need NO reminders of cute little chubby, sweet smelling love filled babies. TRUST me dude, we who buy these tests think of those babies every.waking minute of every freaken day. Trust me. Its been almost 2 yrs now, and nothing, notta , zilch zip, nothing, so I don't need you cute baby pic staring me in the face everytime I buy the tests of doom.
I am lucky to be even having some sort of a reg cycle right now, I need to hold on to the positive and not focus on what I am missing out on.

OK. I feel better now that thats out of my system. I am in tears today, b/c Waverly is old enough for allowance and full time school next year, she has friends, can dress her self and is so independent, I feel so guilty that she doesn't have a sibling. I feel guilty that I will be giving her one so far apart in age from her, if I ever give her one. ( and thats looking like a pretty big IF).
I am heartbroken, trying my best to be happy each day. Trying not to think about baby making everytime my husband comes near, trying not to be bitter, b/c we decided to wait till she was almost 3 to start trying. Trying, desperately to have some sense of normal, some sense of home , even when I feel our home isn't complete. And NO ONE understands, no one gets what it feels like, to want something so badly, but have no control over weather or not you get it.
Its not fair and I could shout that till the clouds came home, but no ones listening, and its not changing anything.
So I spend the day with my quickly growing girl and enjoy my life as it is, b/c it is blessed, just as it is, and maybe if I focus on that, everything else will fall into place. Or I will come to a place where that is enough for me.